by Asya Mukhamedrakhimova
MKH digital plubication © 2025
by Asya Mkh
Category Music
Published December 1, 2024
All 42 of My Personalities (According to Spotify)

Allegory of Music, by François Boucher

As far as titles go, this one can explain a lot about me. As far as the personality count goes, each person’s number can tell me a lot about them.

We are never just one person, yet the people we end up being are almost always ourselves. Moods change, people grow, and even if we try to pretend or hide parts of ourselves from those around us, there is one place where we are completely and unequivocally honest: our Spotify. Anyway, in my opinion, titles and intros should be eye-catching instead of eye-opening, so now that I have your ‘undivided attention’, let’s get into it.

During one of those weekend nights when I was ready to go home but, once there, not quite ready to end the night, a friend of mine and I made an executive decision that the best way to wrap up our Saturday was to lie on the floor sharing some cool music (well cool for us, at least). During that activity, an interesting thought came into my mind. I shared it with my friend, who immediately agreed, since it was such an obvious truth that it didn’t need to be said aloud. Nevertheless, as a person who believes that if a thought is not shared, it is not validated (an issue that my therapist and I are working hard as fuck to resolve, btw), I will now proceed to tell you about it.

As we were listening to some 90s rock music, I realised that the person listening to this song played on these instruments is not the same person who would listen to a song of any other genre. It might sound a bit odd, but as I was lying on my luckily carpeted floor, I realised that the best way I distinguish between different parts of myself is through the different kinds of music I listen to. We can all agree that there is no better way to get to know yourself and others than through music. The right song can turn a miserable, lonely night into a memory you will cherish forever. A new album by your favourite artist can become a loyal companion through a day of mundane activities. And when you go outside and morning sunlight hits just right, you suddenly realise that within your playlist hides a song that will complete a perfect moment. Whether we want to admit it or not, we often romanticise our lives, and what is romance without a good soundtrack? So when it is time to do some soul searching and realise that even if you are you, different versions of you are subconsciously brought out on display, there is no better way to do it than with a song.

When I go out, I am cheerful and fun. I am a 2000s pop song at a bar, making small talk with friends of friends like it’s my second nature, cheering everybody on and showing them it’s time to let go and enjoy themselves. On my way home, however, I am alternative or R&B/Soul music, with a charming melody and touching lyrics that almost fade into the background as midnight thoughts overtake my mind and take me to new places.

On the list of minor hardships I have faced as a young and relatively well-travelled woman, one still haunts me. It was a cold, dark winter night when I put my hand in my bag and gently felt around its dark corners only to realise my headphones were not there. I was left alone with the distant sounds of whatever new song Ed Sheeran released at the time coming out of the car’s radio. It was not ideal…

Moving on to more pleasant memories, when I go about my day’s usual activities, I am always accompanied by one trusted playlist. When days become so similar, I can hardly tell them apart nothing makes me feel better than moving to the beat of a song. And nothing gets me into a more active rhythm than rap and hip-hop. I would not go as far as to put one of my personalities in this genre since I honestly do not believe I am cool enough for that. Still, nothing helps you pretend like you are a little cooler than riding the Piccadilly Line at 6 pm with a good old rap song playing in your ears.

On the other hand, when life gets a little bit more eventful like when I am on vacation and ready to take on new experiences, I am fully committed to the art of techno and house music. While lyrics often guide your feelings to a certain place, a song made up of pure sound leaves them open. When life is overwhelming in the best possible way, and no words can express your feelings, there is no better friend than electronic music. Whether I am getting ready to go out and explore a new city or chilling by the beach with a speaker, my playlist is right there next to me, holding my hand and leading me towards adventure. More accurately, though, the playlist is called ‘Songs to pretend you’re on a beach club to’, but that’s beside the point.

I understand that there are way more genres and styles of music to explore, just like there are so many other different emotions a human being goes through in the span of a lifetime, a week, and even a day. But commenting on each one of those emotions and genres will take around 10,000 words, and I am careful not to veer into full-on dissertation territory here. I also wanted to mention how those experiences are personally curated to me and might not be as relatable as I think. Or they might be, and I have just been saying very obvious things. Either one works.

Full disclosure: I have written almost a thousand words on the importance of music in life while I have a reality show playing in the background, which doesn’t really fit the vibe, but it is what it is.

With every new song I discovered, I also discovered a part of myself; some were old parts I thought were long lost, and some were completely new. Sometimes, I hear a new song that unlocks the exact thing that was missing from my life. Sometimes I hear a song I used to love but forgot about, and I am immediately taken back to the first time I heard it, remembering exactly who I was then and how I felt. Since my writing is partly me rediscovering myself, I thought sharing this was only fair. There are some things, however, that touched me so deeply that I can’t possibly find the words to share the impact they made on me, no matter how hard I try. In these moments, I keep it to myself, share that one moment of truly being alone with the magic of sounds come alive and hope each person experiences moments like that—making the whole world sound like a beautifully weird radio that keeps changing stations.

P.S. This title refers to my genre count because, according to Spotify, I listen to exactly 42 different genres and sub-genres of music. See? I did a little research. I don’t just sit around in my sweatpants all day writing my silly little stories; I also looked stuff up.

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